Deep Breath… Here it goes (part II)

Thank you so much for all the love, support, comments, e-mails, and prayers. You are all THE BEST! With all of your love and the love of my at home support system, I’m doing great!

Julie, The Husband, Kiee, and Bear

This picture doesn’t even include my whole support system. Who’s missing: the mom & dad, sister & brother-in-law, amazing nephew, and ADORABLE new niece! Between them and my husband (and our cute cats!) I feel abundantly blessed! God has given me a wonderful family –They are my foundation– They are a true gift from Him.

Deep breath… On to today.

My mom and I walked into the doctor’s office and I didn’t quite know what to feel. After a few short minutes in the waiting room, the nurse came and got me.

I went back to the exam room and knew the drill. On the table I went. Didn’t quite feel like small talk, I wanted to know what the stats were. The nurse did her work and then I sat up and it was time to talk…

Yep, no fun.

She looked though my files again and then gave me the dreaded look. We discussed what would have been expected from the medication I was on and how my body had responded. The medication had not worked. After several docotors have given me the “I’m so sorry” look paired with the pity in their eyes. My heart feels broken.

 I have to go to this last resort. The most heart sinking moment was realizing that I have officially become one of the women I have pittied ever since I was old enough to understand. I am becoming the one of the women I used to pray for and feel hearrtbroken over their loss. This concept alone is too much to handle. I am living out one fear I’ve always had: that I’ll never be able to have children. Not saying that it is going to come true, but it is a fear.

In absolutely no stretch of the imagination have I lost faith and feel like this is a ‘Game Over’ diagnosis….. It is just confusing. End of story….. I am confused as to why this is happening. ———I am beyond thankful that I believe that “God’s timing is better than my own. God is who knows what’s up, not me. His plan for me is better than my plan for me.”  

That being said, I don’t feel that because I trust in Him fully that I just stop all the measures I’m taking to aid in the process of having a child or figuring out what is  wrong with my body. 

I have to drive 3.5 hours to get to the doctor and 3.5 hours back home each time I have to go. It is such a negative 7 hours of drive time. I dread the trip there becasue I’m so nervous about what they are going to do to me. Then the trip home is pretty much devistating because of some of the news I’ve been given each time I’ve had to go. BUT I suck it up and put on a happy face for those 3.5 hours.

Over the past 10 days I have had to take that 7 hour drive 3 times. I have to take off of work, leave a day early because my appointment is at 8:15 in the morning and can’t manage to to leave my house at 4:30 AM to drive for over 3.5  hours straight. I get a hotel room and stay the night so I’m not driving and falling asleep at the wheel……. I have to go back this weekend. Yep, the specialist is working weekend hours for me. I am thankful. Beyond the trying to get pregnant part, we are concerned as to why my 24 year old body isn’t working. That part is scary as well. 

So, after today; this is where I’m at-– Full of faith, full of gratatude for ALL OF YOU, and thankful for my foundation and support system that God has given me. I am a blessed girl.  

Again, thank you all for being amazing friends, all of your support, and all of your prayers! :) YOU ARE THE BEST! 

–HUGS–

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24 responses to “Deep Breath… Here it goes (part II)

  1. I haven’t been around the blog world lately, so I missed your last post but I just caught up. I am so, so sorry for what you’re going through, I can’t even imagine. I really hope everything works out.. it all does in the end, right? My thoughts and prayers are with you! <3

  2. Keep your head up girlfriend. I love that, “God’s timing is better than my own”. You will make it through this, keep believing in yourself and God will help you. You are such a strong woman that I truly admire and look up to. It breaks my heart to see you in such a situation. You’re in my prayers!

  3. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God has something wonderful in store for you.

  4. Wow. You are the epitome of one tough cookie. You’re what wonderful mothers are made of – and one day, in one way or another – you will have children and you will love them with every little last bone in your body. Don’t give up hope – stay strong. I’ll be sending good thoughts your way!

  5. Sorry to hear the not-so-good news from today, but glad to hear you’re staying positive.

    I agree that it’s important to find out why things aren’t working, but the good news is that you’re still so young, so you have plenty of time to have kids! I know that’s not really a consolation, because you want to have them NOW, but think how much dire things would be if you were in your late 30s!

    You’re right, it’s probably just “God’s timing”! :-)

  6. Oh man, I’m so sorry Julie! I am praying so hard that the “last resort” treatment works out for you. I know it’s difficult to understand why God does things at some moments in time. <3 you!

  7. Brittany @ Itty Bits of Balance

    Again, thank you so much for including us in such an intimate part of your life. I know that it may seem to not make any sense at all right now, but just remember that God has a plan! Regardless of how subtle his intentions may be, there is a reason that all of this is happening.

    You are a beautiful person, inside and out. Keep that chin up :)

  8. HUGS to you sweet girl! Your strength & optimism during such an uncertain time is inspiring.

  9. I know this is such a tough point in your life, but I’m so glad that you are able to say optimistic. Stressing yourself won’t help, so it’s great that you have such an abundant amount of faith to help you through it all. Stay strong girl, God has wonderful plans for you! :-)

  10. So sorry Julie! Hang in there and I am praying for you and for the doctors who are treating and working with you to find answers. ((hugs))

  11. I’m so sorry to hear you didn’t get the news you’d hoped for. I will keep you in my prayers! I hope this story will uplift you a little: I have a friend who tried to conceive for years and was told she’d never be able to. She exhausted every possible option. When she was in the process of adopting her second child…she found out she was pregnant! She now has 2 adopted children and one biological child. You just never know what God has planned for you. I’m glad to hear you are keeping the faith!

  12. Sending you GIANT bear hugs from Trinidad. Glen & I have been keeping you in our thoughts and prayers…Be safe on those long drives, trying maybe using the time to focus on something else…book on tape maybe? I have the utmost faith that God does have a plan for you….love you girl!
    xoxo from Trinidad

  13. I’m sorry God’s plan seems a bit fuzzy now. Hopefully everything works out. Hang in there hon!

  14. Keep believing that everything will work out as you want it to! Staying positive has so much power!

  15. Love you a million times over! Be sweet to yourself! You deserve some good old fashioned R&R!

  16. I’m so behind on blog reading! So sorry I missed this and your last post! :( Hang in there, you’ll make it through this! Stay strong! I’m so glad you have such a strong support group and great doctors! Hugs! I’ll be thinking of you! <3

  17. Keep on smiling, it will get you through it. Always focus on the positives and realize that God sometimes plays not-so-funny tricks on us. Never blame yourself. You’re in my hopes<3

  18. Wow, my heart goes out to you. Though the circumstances are far from ideal, it is so important to stay strong and positive throughout this process. I am sure you feel a huge weight off of your shoulders now that you have opened up–I’m so glad that you did. Please don’t hesitate to reach out for support!

  19. Again, this breaks my heart, but I am hoping only the very best for you. I am so sorry you heard news you were not anticipating and obviously not hoping for. You are in my thoughts and prayers <3

  20. beautyinthebalance

    Julie, I know how you feel. It’s the most helpless feeling in the world. I pray that the last resort treatment will work for you! Thinking of you <3

  21. Wow, thank you for sharing such a private matter on your blog. I can only send you my deepest warmest hug and prayers for a little one when the time is right. I have had friends who try for years and then happen to get pregnant! Hang in there!!

  22. Pingback: Cake Batter ‘Ice Cream’ and a Thank You! | Spinach and Sprinkles

  23. Thinking of you and sending really really good thoughts!

  24. Pingback: The one with the health update…. | Spinach and Sprinkles

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